LETTER TO A DISAPPOINTED COLLEAGUE
Dear Colleague;
I trust what we perceive to be a set-back (your not getting the job position) is really a blessing in disguise. In trusting my God's time and my God's way, I have been rewarded by just doing my part. I really trust that you're gonna be totally amazed at where you will be if you continue trudging and watching for those God-posts along life.
I know as you and many other Staff (including our boss) that you are one of the hardest working members of this Department. Those things do not go unnoticed, but sometimes without being a "squeaky wheel" as our boss calls it, one doesn't get oiled.
My sponsor shared with me in my efforts to advance within the agency to share how I feel and ask for promotion or even a raise. I know that a happy worker will be more diligent in doing his/her job to the best of his/her ability. So, in owning my part, I would have regretted not having done at least my part and asked for a raise/promotion. The consequences are out of my hands and really in the ones of God (and the supervisors). If they really see how much more it is going to cost having an unhappy employee and risk losing him (I pray that you stay!!!) and having to rehire and retrain someone, they may seriously consider your offer. Alas, I don't know all the factors that are involved with the decisions made by the Powers that be. Timing is everything though.
Anyway, I know I have yammered on enough. I just wanted let you know that you have support and great apprecation for the work that you do! You da' bomb!!! Let me know if there is anything I may do to help.
Regards,
Quoc
PRAY FOR MOM...
Reverend Kristin,
I am sooo sorry!!! The alarm on my cell went off at 2:55PM. I was sitting with my boss and had to attend to something for her. I was busy attending to work until 4:46PM when I remembered that I had completely forgotten to call you. I hope you can forgive me.
Here is an update on what has been going on... Again, if you'd be willing to speak to me again, I will totally honor that. I really need some spiritual guidance right now. Received phone call from Mom today saying that the cancer is worse than they had originally thought. The oncologists are recommending removing the immediate mass on her left lower abdomen, but now they want to remove one of the kidneys as well for fear that the tumor may have grown out and affected the kidney. This is a malignant tumor.
My Mom is scared; she is pondering whether she wants to go on like this or just accept her current condition and pass on naturally. She shared that she is very tired and she is old. She is tired from the horrible experience from her cataract, glaucoma and retinal detachment invasive procedure and dilemma. She doesn't want to go through another round of surgery, pain and recovery again... She sounds sooo sad. It really sucks!!! I can't put it any other way! This really sucks!
I feel sooo very helpless without a car! I will be getting a ride from a friend in sobriety to visit with Mom on Saturday. I have been anticipating going to one of my first concerts and have been waiting 2 months for this weekend and my poor overburdened sister asked me to help relieve her of caring for dad this weekend. My baby sister is turning 18 this Sunday! I will be 2 years sober this Thursday, May 19, 2005. I am dizzy with confusion of when to celebrate what and what is appropriate... I really want to celebrate, but there is a part of me that is just too darn sad to celebrate. I wanted my Mom to give me a cake for 2 years at one of the recovery meetings.
I guess I get to stay in the moment, put one foot in front of the other and make myself available to Mom; call my sponsor and take his direction and trust in that direction. I truly trust in God's time, not Quoc's time, but this time I am really upset at how everything just ran into each other!!! This really sucks!!! I will sooo pray for clarity tonight... I will pray for strength to do the next thing that will be in the greatest good of my recovery and for that of my family... I turn my will over...
I don't know Reverend Kristin, I am feeling a whole lot, and I know I am rambling on a whole lot right now... I would love your input... If you can forgive me and give me another opportunity to call you or if you want to just call me when it's convenient for you, I would love to hear your share...
Warmest regards and gratitude for your love and support,
Quoc Lam
MY FAMILY NEEDS YOUR PRAYER
This is a letter I wrote:
Hello Reverend Kristin,
It's been really nice hearing your voice in the past few days (services on cds). The last one I have been hearing over and over for the past week is the "Dare to Hope." You're the first voice I hear when I wake up and the last thing I hear before I fall asleep. I hope by June 2006 I will have enough saved to get a car and go to those foundational classes and your Sunday services; I trust that God will give me what I need when I need it and ready to receive the gift.
So, I am writing to you because I am in some emotional pain. I am sad, worried, and scared. I have been reaching out for help and have received some support. As you may or may not know, my Father is dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease (Amyotrophic Lateral Scherosis). He is only has some use of his fingers and is able to blink his eyes; he is on a ventilator and g-tube… It’s all very sad… He’s been very blessed to have my Mother care for his needs. Alas, Super Mom is also failing in health. She is suffering from arthritis, and pretty much blind in one eye and may lose vision in her other eye contributed by retinal detachment. Here I am HIV positive, in recovery and learning how to live life all over again. I am very thankful for getting a second chance to live life.
Here is why I am all bent out of shape… This past weekend, my Mother was admitted into the hospital. She is in a lot of pain; there is a mass on her lower left abdomen; the doctor suspects it may be cancer. This was sooo very sudden. I visited with her a couple days ago to hear the very difficult words of a woman who is making preparations just in case she passes away. She told me not to worry about funeral arrangements because she is donating her body to science (she is trying to spare us from having to pay for a funeral). She told me to work out something where Dad will be in nursing care. She told me to care for my baby sister. All this was very very difficult to hear, but as my sponsor shared with me, I should honor what she shares so she knows she has been heard and can focus on getting better.
We are going to find out the results of the biopsy today. I know you are in close contact with God. My connection with him still has some static interference. It’s getting better and better with everyday I work the steps in recovery and practice the traditions and principles of the program. I am less than a month away from celebrating 2 years clean and sober from all mind altering substances. I was wondering if you may add my Mom, Anh to your list of people you pray for. I also remember your mentioning at the end of each service that there are practitioners around to talk to when one is going through a challenging situation in life. I know I don’t have to do this alone… I am wondering if you may have any suggestions to offer in my trudging through this challenging time.
I hope this correspondence finds you in good health and good spirits! Thank you for carrying the message and being a beacon of light in my life. I tend to get lost and I am thankful for those guide posts from God to help me on my way…
With gratitude,
Quoc
