Quoc's Web Journal

So, I am absolutely exhausted, but I have been sooo behind in my blogs and have been feeling very very very inspired to blog on a daily basis... I have been putting pen to paper writing in my personal journal since I haven't been able to access the internet conveniently or have enough time to post a blog.

I am forcing myself to blog right now because I feel very much compelled to do so. The time is now 12:30A on Wed., 3/14/07. I just got done working a 13 hour workday!!! I started at 8:30A and didn't leave work until about 10:30P!!! The Director, Field Services Manager, my Training Manager and myself pulled an extra long shift in order to get this 1 million dollar grant request application for the training program together for submission in less than 24 hours. It is such a darn shame that an action plan was not followed and resulted in having to work these late hours and feel frantic in pulling the application together at the 11th hour!!!

Alas, I am just a line staff... The thing is I better be careful what I wish/ask for. Being line staff and getting paid hourly, I get paid overtime by 5 hours just from my work this past evening!!! Yayee!!! I put it out to the universe and ask for more money because for the next couple months, I will be living pretty modestly in order to maintain enough savings to pay my family's loan in support of my filing for chapter 7. The file is now open and in progress... I don't have enough money to pay for the mandatory credit counseling and education course in order to complete the chapter 7 process. I will have just enough upon getting paid this Friday... The positive outcome is that I will have a fresh start on my financial life in about 3 - 4 months. The challenge is that I will be pretty much a homebody and cooking for the next few months... No trip or extravagant trips or purchases of any kinds thank you very much.

I continue to trust the process... I stay sober, continue working the 9th step to the best of my ability. I won't be able to make the financial amends to others until I get this bankruptcy squared away and get financially grounded again.

So, what do you ask does the title of my blog stand for? I meant to write about this on this past Thursday night/Friday... I just joined a new AA meeting. It is an 11th step AA yoga meeting. Cool aye?!?! A yoga class that is followed by an AA meeting!!! How ingenius!!! I went this past Thursday... The whole experience is about 2 hours and very very taxing to someone as new as myself (being not so limber and not so fit from lack of exercise). The yoga instructor was amazing.

Here are some of the highlights that I would like to point out that made the experience exhiliarating.

- "ohm"ing in and out with the rest of the group

- getting to face the challenge of feeling my aches while engaging in the yoga poses, but challenged to listen and focus on my breath and breathing

- being asked whenever I was in the offering pose to offer to the Universe/God whatever came to mind and the instructor gave me permission to offer... I started offering my pain, my negativity, my intolerance, my defects, my aches, pains, insecurities for God to receive and take away from me... By the end of the hour, I was offering love, appreciation, hope, gratitude, and serenity to my Higher Power and those around me in giving thanks for the gift of sobriety

- a huge thing that felt oh sooo nice was being asked to lay down in fetal pose and relax and breathe... While in that position, the yoga instructor serenaded us. I felt like a baby being serenaded to sleep while in my crib. It was an amazingly wonderful feeling. I felt loved, safe, at peace, and warm.

This was perfect as I grappled with letting go of my judgements of a man that I would like to date sharing with me that he wants me for sex and for dating and hanging out and getting to know one another in other intimate ways, that we "could talk about it later." I interpreted that as his lack of desire to be with me in any other way than just physical. Sigh... What I got out of the yoga was to feel appreciation for his honesty and prompt honesty; for his ability to be true to himself and share that with me; for my appreciation that he probably is giving all he can give with the resources he has; also the ability for me to honor my own feelings of what is important to me.

Ok... I am physically and mentally spent... I am gonna take a shower, brush my teeth and go over to my friends place to house sit and dog sit for one more night before relinquishing care of the dogs over to another house/dog sitter. I need these moments to myself so that I may care for myself the way I have been caring for the dogs... Waking up in the morning to go on a walk and wake my body up and let the mind follow... Be up early enough to feel the cool air before it gets too warm...

By the way, the temperature was 93 degrees yesterday!!! Today, it was about 85!!! We are due to cool down... The coolest it will get by the end of this week is about 70. Not bad for spring in March... Apparently we are in desparate need of rain!!!

G'nite.... I am pooped!!!

Quoc