PRAY FOR MOM...
Reverend Kristin,I am sooo sorry!!! The alarm on my cell went off at 2:55PM. I was sitting with my boss and had to attend to something for her. I was busy attending to work until 4:46PM when I remembered that I had completely forgotten to call you. I hope you can forgive me.
Here is an update on what has been going on... Again, if you'd be willing to speak to me again, I will totally honor that. I really need some spiritual guidance right now. Received phone call from Mom today saying that the cancer is worse than they had originally thought. The oncologists are recommending removing the immediate mass on her left lower abdomen, but now they want to remove one of the kidneys as well for fear that the tumor may have grown out and affected the kidney. This is a malignant tumor.
My Mom is scared; she is pondering whether she wants to go on like this or just accept her current condition and pass on naturally. She shared that she is very tired and she is old. She is tired from the horrible experience from her cataract, glaucoma and retinal detachment invasive procedure and dilemma. She doesn't want to go through another round of surgery, pain and recovery again... She sounds sooo sad. It really sucks!!! I can't put it any other way! This really sucks!
I feel sooo very helpless without a car! I will be getting a ride from a friend in sobriety to visit with Mom on Saturday. I have been anticipating going to one of my first concerts and have been waiting 2 months for this weekend and my poor overburdened sister asked me to help relieve her of caring for dad this weekend. My baby sister is turning 18 this Sunday! I will be 2 years sober this Thursday, May 19, 2005. I am dizzy with confusion of when to celebrate what and what is appropriate... I really want to celebrate, but there is a part of me that is just too darn sad to celebrate. I wanted my Mom to give me a cake for 2 years at one of the recovery meetings.
I guess I get to stay in the moment, put one foot in front of the other and make myself available to Mom; call my sponsor and take his direction and trust in that direction. I truly trust in God's time, not Quoc's time, but this time I am really upset at how everything just ran into each other!!! This really sucks!!! I will sooo pray for clarity tonight... I will pray for strength to do the next thing that will be in the greatest good of my recovery and for that of my family... I turn my will over...
I don't know Reverend Kristin, I am feeling a whole lot, and I know I am rambling on a whole lot right now... I would love your input... If you can forgive me and give me another opportunity to call you or if you want to just call me when it's convenient for you, I would love to hear your share...
Warmest regards and gratitude for your love and support,
Quoc Lam
posted by Quoc @ 12:23 AM E-mail me!
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