Quoc's Web Journal

PHYSICALLY EXHAUSTED... SPIRITUAL HIGH...

Hello Family... I don't remember the last time I checked in... So, I will give you a brief overview of what has been up in my life lately... A LOT!!! I've had sooo many moments when I really wanted to place pen to paper or rather in this case, fingers to keyboard and transfer the thoughts and feelings I had from each event and moment that has transpired...

It's been another amazing couple months. Just to stay in the moment and check in for today, I had woken up really late and frankly completely forgot to go to the morning meeting that my Sponsor and two sponsee sisters were supposed to have given me a cake for 3 years clean and sober. I felt sooo terrible! Aside from my nuclear family who gave me a cake the prior week, this was the 2nd most important cake that I was to receive... I called my sponsor a couple times as well as one of my sponsee sisters to apologize for forgetting to show up... I called my sponsor yet again at the end of my work day to share how badly I felt... My Sponsor promptly called me back and left me a voice message and in all his wisdom shared with me that forgetting to come to a meeting to receive a cake is not that big of a deal. The big deal is that I turned 3 years clean and sober. What I get to do is call and apologize for not having shown up and ask if my sponsor and sponsee sisters would be willing to come out and give me a cake the next week. It was sooo simple. He insisted that I stop beating up on myself and to reach for compassion and mercy for myself as I do with others. I love my Sponsor!!! He rocks!!!

This past weekend has been amazing... I had the opportunity to be of ultimate service at the AALA Roundup 2006. The theme of this year's roundup is "Walk the Walk." I served as the archives and on-site volunteer chair. Boy was it a lot of work!!!! I volunteered and assisted with rounding up volunteers for all committees that needed volunteers throughout the weekend... My schedule consisted of waking up at 6A each morning to attend the committee meeting at 7A and then to be of service til about 11P/12A from Friday through Sunday... Then 6A - 5P on Monday, Memorial day!!! That is a whopping 65 hours of being at the convention and helping out at some capacity over a 4 day period... What a Memorial day weekend!!! I was joking about calling my sponsor to have my sobriety date moved back a couple days for all the extra service work I did... haha...

It was an amazing weekend... I slept from 5:40P - 7:45A on Monday after completing my commitment with the convention.. I only got up to pee, eat and rehydrate myself... I took another nap today after work... I feel a bit more balanced... I am feeling a sense of withdrawal... It could be I have exerted myself a whole lot this past weekend; it could be a sense of inner peace and close contact with my Higher Power from being with a fellowship of over 850 people; it could be that I am missing the group that I have spent the past 4 days with; it could be a combination of all of the above... Suffice it to say, I am physically exhausted, but on a spiritual high...

I remember my first time at the convention 3 years ago when I had but 5 days clean... Then my first year sober at the convention when I took the bus... Then my 2nd year sober when Mom was very ill... Then this year, year 3, when I get to give back that was sooo freely given to me... Love, support, message of hope, tools of sobriety and sanity, and sooo much more... This year I got to lead the last gratitude meeting on Monday morning at 7:30A before the main spiritual meeting. I had the opportunity to share my gratitude for what I have today.... Then at the main spiritual meeting, I had the opportunity to stand up in front and celebrate my sobriety with a bunch of other people and hear happy birthday sung to all of us in front by over 800 people. I was recognized as a committe member for archives and on-site volunteering.... Soo many accolades... I had the opportunity to read How it works at the banquet meeting. I didn't need any of it; I received so much just from showing up for others and getting to be of service... I received the ultimate satisfaction as being one of the few people who really assisted with pulling off a very very successful convention! Wahoo!!!

It's too bad that I am not feeling very articulate and eloquent tonight... I have had many of these moments when I really wanted to write and share sentiments worthy of being published (in my opinion). Alas, I was either too tired or too busy to take a moment out to write... Life was in session!!!

In the past couple months, I've mourned the death of my father; sobbed on the phone with my sponsor on Mother's day; got promoted to a new position that is challenging; receive recognition for successfully revamping a program that helped link HIV positive people into care as well as assisted with disclosure services; traveled to Hawaii; celebrated 3 years clean and sober; celebrate my baby sister's birthday; go on a grunion run; ask people that are important to me to come out and give me a cake and celebrate my sobriety with me as well as give me an opportunity to share gratitude for their presence in my life; come to better terms with my HIV and being honest about sharing with other people about my status and facing my fear with courage and not cowardice; experience some amazing sober sex; participated fully in an amazing convention for recovering alcoholics/addicts... the list goes on...

I am grateful for the opportunity to have such a full life... I am grateful there is a solution for someone like myself that truly came in broken, hopeless, and in my sponsor's words, move from base to grace thanks to God's mercy and the practice of the principles of this program of recovery... This spiritual program has taught me to hold hands with my fellows and remember that I am no more or less special than anyone else around me... I remember to stay in the IS and AM... I get to appreciate the gift of what I have today... I have a family of thousands of brothers and sisters I can reach out to... to be of service and for help...

I have been having bad days as well... I will see if I can be more prompt with sharing more often... I get a lot out of reading my own blogs... I will leave you with a few images from recently....

I WELCOME YOUR CORRESPONDENCES, YOUR E-MAILS AND YOUR THOUGHTS... SEND ME AN E-MAIL: QUOC@QUOCLAM.COM

Cheers,

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 12:07 AM              E-mail me!