Quoc's Web Journal

LETTING GO OF DAD ON GOOD FRIDAY…

It was 10:58A, a little over 12 hours ago, when I received a phone call from my sister informing me of Dad’s decision to be taken off the ventilator… I left work and went to the hospital to be with Dad and support my Sis… I got to show up and have a conversation with Dad… Hold his hand and confirm with him his decision. I communicated very clearly to him that this decision is his and whatever it is that he decides on we will be supportive of him.

The time is now 11:47A… I will be leaving shortly to pick up my baby sister and driving us to the hospital in Lakewood where she will have an opportunity to say good bye to Dad. I am sad, glad, relieved, frustrated and certainly feel POWERLESS over different aspects of the current circumstances…

The decision has been made to turn off the ventilator today… I have never witnessed the expiration of anyone yet. I don’t know what the experience is going to be like. What I know is that that family is going to be together again for this moment when Dad makes the transition… His wife and life partner will there in spirit; his children are all there to support him with unconditional and unwavering love.

In this instance, I am at a lost for words… I am just gonna show up, be of service, feel my feelings and not withhold them, and be in commune with the family one more time… I show up with the understanding that God is indeed handling everything in my life as well as everyone else’s today… God does not need my help. I need only show up, do the work and stay out of the results. I trust that things are going to be ok… I step forward in faith and continue to “walk through the doors that are open.”

I will check in with you later and give you news of how it all turns out… I am thankful to be clean, sober and present for really important moments like this… I conclude with one last thought… My lesbian Mom just shared with me that one of her friends just gave brought a newborn into the world yesterday… How appropriate to have perspective on the circle of life… One life passing on giving way to another life coming into the world. If one believes in reincarnation, life and death is only the transfer of one’s karma from one embodiment into the next… I will get into that at another time…

Despite Dad’s embodiment dying, his spirit, his experience, strength and hope will continue to live on in those lives he has touched.

In the spirit of love & service,

Quoc Lam
Son, Brother, Friend, member of the Human Race

posted by Quoc @ 11:46 AM              E-mail me!