Quoc's Web Journal

ALOHA!!!!

OK... I have been really patient about not counting my chicks before they hatch... I think this chick is incubating; it's a matter of when not if.... I AM GOING ON VACATION! I AM GOING TO HAWAII!!!!

I have been doing my budget for the past 2 weeks... I have been researching prices for the past week... As of Tuesday morning, January 24, 2006 at about 10A, I clicked the confirmation on-line for a visit to Honolulu, Oahu for 7 days and 6 nights. As with my young sobriety, this activity must entail some recovery. I am going to the Aloha Roundup AA Convention in Honolulu, Oahu.

The last time I was in Hawaii was back in 1993, when I was a senior in High School. I went with my High School Ensemble to the Big Island and to Oahu. It was a 9 day trip I believe, very very shortlived but an amazing experience. I will never forget the sights of the erupting volcano with lava pouring into the Pacific Ocean; the beautiful waterfalls; the fertile soil and thriving tropical life... I also remember the humidity and tendency for it to rain at any given moment and how expensive food was out there. I remember how excited I was when I scored some sandwiches for a great price, but ended up sharing with the rest of my classmates. Overall, it was a great experience and got me fantasizing and dreaming of traveling and visiting different places in the world. I hope to continue to fulfill this dream for the rest of my sober life one day at a time...

So, I am departing from LAX the morning of February 23, 2006 (Thursday). I will be leid and transported to my hotel by late afternoon. I will probably have dinner there... I will see if I can find a recovery meeting to go to. From Friday on through Sunday, I will be part of a congregation of hundreds of alcoholics, addicts, and alanons in Honolulu for workshops, conventions, fellowshipping, speakers and just really enjoying sobriety in Hawaii... I hope to make new friends this weekend because I am staying a couple extra days to trek around Oahu... I hope to spend at least one day at the beach and take another day to visit the Arizona Memorial where the Pearl Harbor attack occurred. I remember how moving that was for me the last time I was there... I was just 17 years old! I also hope to go to a luau as well as rent a car to trek around the island and check out the waterfalls and more of the beautiful tropics out there...

Now that I am thinking of my trip, I am thinking if I should have extended my stay to 8 days. I forgot to consider the fact that I am spending Wednesday, March 1, 2006 flying out of Honolulu back to LAX...

My life has been going well...

WORK:
I got great reviews from my very cool boss at work. He told me what a great job I am doing managing the program and supervising the number of people that I have on-board. During a conference call with our funding agency, they remarked at how impressed they are with the efficiency and direction the program has progressed in a very very short time. YES!!! I am just showing up and trying my best and staying open-minded and willing to work!

RELATIONS:
This area is a bit more challenging, but I am managing to learn more about my likes and dislikes and willing to act in a fashion that is loving, compassionate, considerate, and patient with myself and other people. Lots of mistakes are being made, but that is yielding great growth.

HEALTH:
My health continues to improve as I have integrated exercising at the gym into my life. I am going about 3 or more times a week! I am giving my body an opportunity to rest. I am just finding moderation with taking care of my physical well being.

STEPWORK:
Great progress with looking at my defects of characters and replacing them with assets. Today, I got to find instances throughout the day where I am thinking or acting "vengefully" and replacing that with being forgiving, merciful, and charitable. I have to do some writing on my possible arrogance in expectations of the sponsees I have. They are unwilling to do the work and just slack off and delay doing the work. I don't know that fine line where I am kindly encouraging them to do the work and telling them to either do the work or getting another friggin' sponsor. I am thankful that I am not alone in this area. I just have to read the big book and take that information as well as follow direction as well as pray for an answer that will allow me to do the best job sponsoring that I can. I must remember that I am not responsible for another persons sobriety. I am responsible for carrying the message to another alcoholic and to stay sober one day at a time. To share my experience wherever appropriate and offer suggestions in a loving and compassionate manner. I must deal with finding that balance of people pleasing and telling someone what they need to hear vs. what they want to hear so I can maintain good relations with them.

Life is good... There is a healthy balance of challenges and growth. I have quality problems that I get to pick from. I have a loving family, both blood and recovery. I have an amazing support group and people that I can call friends. I am much better with not acting in a manner that is selfish, self-seeking, self-centered. I actions and thought-processes are not as self-loathing, self-destructive, and self-sabotaging. I am more accepting, grateful, and carry a spirit if altruistic generosity. I am ok with lack of perfectionism today. I do not judge myself when I do have insane, extreme, self/other destructive thoughts. I just allow the thought to flow through me like a stream going under a bridge... It passes if I don't act on it. I have a very full life that I am somehow someway finding great balance with. I know that is indeed not without God's help.

Balance... A term that is very unfamiliar to someone who is accustomed to extreme, absolute, black and white, and perfectionism. I manage to understand and invite this into my life, just for today... I am thankful I get to practice these things and stay willing to do the opposite...

We'll see how the Hawaii arrangement works out... There have already been multiple obstacles since confirming my flight and hotel arrangements this morning.
- very important work-related training scheduled the same day that I am leaving for Hawaii
- calling travel agency and finding that I can't modify without expensive penalties
- cancellation of the whole trip would mean I won't get reimbursed for 30 days; thus, delaying my whole vacation because I don't have money on reserve to book another flight
- booking a new trip that is not as cheap as the deal that I am currently getting

Again, I say these are quality problems. I have taken sponsor suggestion and written down a list of reasons why I should stay and go to the training and a list of reasons why I should go on this excursion to Hawaii. I will pray and ask for an answer. I will just stay in the moment and know whichever direction I go towards will be the right direction so long as I stay sober today!

ALOHA! MAHALO!

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 1:23 AM              E-mail me!