Quoc's Web Journal

DEFECT = SLOTHFUL/LAZY

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Defect to work on for today = slothful/lazy... wherever I spot that in my thought, attitude, behavior I make an effort in replacing it with being "industrious." It went well today! I woke up to leave for a site visit in Whittier at about 7:30/7:45A and got home from work around 7:10P! 12 hour work day! I got home knowing that I had laundry to do to gormandize myself with food and then pass out... I feel great right now at 1:30A... I need to continue working on going to sleep in a timely manner and to focus on completing one healthy room organizing activity each day. So, indirectly earlier, I was slothful or set myself up so I would be sooo filled up with food and as a result feel pooped and passed out!

I woke to do some chatting with my sponsees.... It was not fun as one of my sponsees told me to look at why I was not happy about what was going on with him... There is a kernel of truth there where I was unhappy because he is not doing what I felt he should be doing to stay sober or serene or free of his troubles. I am not God. I am not his boss... I am here to carry the message and stay clean and sober. That's it! Trust God that the rest will work itself out... Also, to ask myself why I was arguing with someone with just a little bit of sobriety? Why am I bothering justifying myself to someone who is out of his mind? My people pleasing side wanted him to side with me and be able to see things my way! That is none of my business! I need only know what works for me, share that experience with him and appreciate the fact that I know what has worked for me and may not work for him... Let it go...

I felt yucky during the conversation because I really felt uncomfortable first with the confrontation, second that I didn't have a brilliant thought stopper like my sponsor does with me, and that he was really on self will and knew what is good for himself and not take what I had to share into consideration...

Did I learn something from that experience tonight? Yes. Am I going to repeat this behavior again? I hope not. Did I stay sober? Yes. Did someone die as a result of a conversation gone not so graciously? No. It's not the end of the world? No.

Ok! It's all good... I did not exercise tonight... My weight is still 148 lbs.

Tomorrow is a new day... The defect I get to look at for throughout Thursday is "arrogance" or "showing off" and ask God will and my actions to replace it with humility, to be humble and modest. Not to lie and exaggerate a situation to make myself look better; not to act in a fashion as to get attention. Arrogance really is insecurity because I want to act in a manner to gain attention because I can't find that validation within myself... Well, that is for a conversation tomorrow....

Wish me luck! Cheers!

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 1:28 AM              E-mail me!