POWERLESS, NOT HELPLESS
Hello Family... I haven't stayed in touch because life has been in session and my disease has been mucking around with my head and causing me to self-sabotage, to withdraw from playing an active role in my life... Nevertheless, I have done well!I am pretty excited... In exactly 2 weeks, I will be on a plane to Hawaii... Time will indeed fly.... I must remember to really cherish each passing moment I am granted for I will never get those moments past again...
I am working on purchasing a digital camera to capture pictures from my adventures out in Hawaii and life in general there after... As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words... I will indeed be posting pictures for your visual appetite!
I am gonna keep this brief... Suffice it to say, I have been serene, clean and sober of all mind altering substances for over 2 years and 9 months... one day at a time!!! I am sooo thankful and blessed...
I have been actively working on replacing my defect of characters with the opposing assets... It has literally changed me for the better! I feel more confident and self assured. I am better with setting boundaries for myself and loving myself enough to say no to other people and be ok with it... Or saying yes to self by saying no to other people and be ok with not feeling ok with it... I am practicing the uncomfortable actions until they become uncomfortable.
Lately I have been hearing a lot about powerlessness... Yes, I am powerless over the self-destructive, self-loathing, and self-sabotaging thoughts... I am indeed not helpless! I have a wealth of tools now at my fingertips... I have been taught to use the tools... These tools have always been here... I just didn't know how to use them because they were new to me and very very foreign... I am indeed not helpless...
There is a solution to all my problems today... Sometimes the solution is to just feel the feelings and not pick up the drug or the drink. The moments do pass... In the past month, I have felt the disappointment and sting of flakey dates and rejection and not feeling like I measure up my perceived expectations from other people. I have felt incredible peace of mind and serenity with being comfortable with the routine and mundane and not fearing that these calm moments means that the other shoe is gonna drop or the whole floor is gonna drop from below me... I feel confident, secure and safe in the care of my Higher Power, the actions that I take to stay clean, sane, and serene.
I make efforts to clean house... I don't do it perfectly. I am able to see the perfection in my progress and the whole spectrum of activities from each passing day... My serenity, sobriety, and sanity is directly proportional to how hard I do the following things:
1) Gratitude list (no less than 10)
2) Proud of myself list (things I have done today that I am proud of; no less than 10)
3) Prayer
4) Affirmations
5) Daily conscious effort to replace a defect of character with asset
6) Calling 5 people everyday
7) Going to a recovery meeting
8) Doing my commitments at the meetings
9) Working with my sponsee
10) Working with my sponsor
11) Having an attitude of gratitude
12) Seeing the positive/optimistic side of each experience
13) Forgiving myself for making mistakes; I am not a mistake
14) I need not be in a position to be used, only to be useful
15) See myself through my Higher Powers eyes
16) Do "Thine will and mine be one."
17) Stay in the moment and focusing on the present task at hand; one foot in front of the other
18) Getting out of myself and being of service to another person
In essence, surrender to God, trust God, stay clean & sober, clean house (work on self), and be of service. It's sooo simple...
I give thanks for the daily reprieve I have from taking any mind altering substance into my body or allowing any toxic experiences into my life. I thank you for your continued support; your thoughts; prayers; your e-mails; your phone calls; sharing your life and your experience with me... Thank you for letting me feel useful, loved, and needed. As someone shared in the recent past, all I've really wanted in my life was to be useful, loved and feel like I belong somewhere. Today, I can identify with that beautiful person you see in me.
With gratitude,
Quoc@quoclam.com
posted by Quoc @ 12:28 AM E-mail me!
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