LUNCH WITH MY SPONSEE..
I had lunch with my sponsee today... He was willing to call and then come over and visit with me for lunch. He's willing to a certain extent, but alas, half measures avail us nothing. One must be willing to surrender 100% to the program and be willing to listen to the sponsor or to the higher power's suggestions! Without that, one is more likely than not to succeed in staying clean and sober one day at a time.So, I had suggestions for my sponsee to go back to the recovery house he left. His excuses: he will have to start all over again in the house; well, how does he explain starting over again, when he left right as he was starting to grow? Also, he mentioned the fact that he may have to do couch commitments until they let him back in again... He was really lazy in the house is what I heard. He wasn't willing to do the writing assignments in the house. He had a consistent habit of going into group late. He was not sharing any of these experiences while he was in the house with me. Upon given direction to just finish the journal and do what it took to stay in the house... he balked!
So, again, I am reminded by "J", "J" and my sponsor that I am powerless over another person's efforts to stay clean and sober. They are the ones keeping me clean and sober; whether my sponsee relapses or not, I get to grow from his actions! It's a sad but plain truth about the process of this disease.... Sigh... I pray for my sponsee's willingness to go to any length to stay clean and sober one day at a time to really find his "moment" and keep that "moment" alive so that he may never have to one up that moment with a worse yet bottom.
Anyway, what happened with me today? I have been in a groggy mood all day... I have been dizzy for a couple days... I attribute them to a few things:
1) I have a different set of glasses on
2) I am no longer on my antidepressants
3) I may be suffering from side effects of my HIV meds
4) I do have a cold and it may be affecting me adversely
5) Just this darn ol' hot weather affecting me!
I give thanks for my evening at the meeting! I was able to be of service, greet some new comers, say hello to some old timers, listen to my sponsor speak and share about his story and this time really hear his story in totality! And spend some time chatting with my sponsor and having a quick burger king dinner with him. I really love my sponsor! I give thanks!!! He's just another guy trying to stay clean and sober one day at a time and making efforts to do what it takes to stay clean and sober! What a great example!!!
What I totally relate with my sponsor? Our concept of a higher power... Spirit of the universe.... How I have always tried to be what another person wants me to be vs. just honoring myself as just me! The progression of my addiction... The gradual progression one day at a time so long as I stay willing, stay sharing, and continue with action...
Progress not perfection! I am beautiful my sponsor says... Thank you.. I claim that and own it for myself just for today... If not 100%, and if not 10%, then perhaps just 5% is good enough... Just for today...
Thankfully,
Quoc@quoclam.com
posted by Quoc @ 10:42 PM E-mail me!
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home