Quoc's Web Journal

BELATED BLESSED HOLIDAY WEEKEND

Wow... Did I enjoy my 9th of July!!! I woke up nice and late and got up to go to chinatown to get money out of my bank account!!! Yayee!!! I finally got paid today!!! Wahoo!!! I went to get a haircut... Ate vietnamese food at a restaurant and bought some to go for eating later in the day... I then went directly to my Dr. appointment and got a follow-up with where I am with my health. My viral load is over 400 (450?) yayee!!! My cd4 is at 58; that is just above non-detectable. Better than 750,000 a few months back!!! I am still suffering from "bloating" and seldom fits of diarhea... I guess it is acceptable for now.

I then visited with my psychiatrist and got the go ahead to take my anti-depressants to 1/2 a pill a day for the next week and go off it starting next week! It's been over a year since I've been taking these antidepressants. It really has been working... So, that is one less med I have to take.

I went home and took a nap til 4:30P/5PM. Then my new sponsee from July 7, 2004 called to say hello... I napped until 5:45 PM and went over to visit with him from 7 PM - 8:30 PM. That was my meeting! We had a great visit with one another... I really grew a lot from the exchange. He seems willing; he's new but willing... I am very proud of my sponsee.. I gave him direction to read the following affirmations in front of the mirror once a day: It's not your fault; I am sorry; I forgive you; I am proud of you; I love you.

I felt incredible after leaving the recovery house from where my sponsee is staying... I love my sponsee... I love my sponsor... I called my friend "B" and asked him to hang out with me. He drove out from B.F.E. and got to my sober living just a little after I got home from taking public transportation... It took me about 1/2 an hour or so to get home... I ate my vietnamese "to go" meal and then hung out with my "date." Yeah, I really felt like tonight was a date... It felt really good hanging out with him and seeing a car show up in burbank... Then having dinner afterward... Chatting and just listening to him educate me about classic cars... I got to see a Ford Model T! Cool! I got to see some really cool cars!!!

I am very comfortable around "B." He's good company... It's refreshing to have someone I can just be myself and bum around with... It's really sucky that we live sooo far from each other. I just don't want feelings hurt from expectations... In this given moment, I have no expectations... I am starting to fall in love with myself... I am really getting to know me and what I like and what feels good for me... I am thankful for the therapy I am getting...

I just don't want to lead anyone on because I really don't know where in the hell I am with my relations with people... I am like a tot that is barely learning to walk... Taking a few steps, smiling and enjoying it, and before I know it tumbliing to the ground again and getting scared... But with each time I get up, I feel more confidence and take more steps forward... I give thanks for that... I need only be concerned with my side of the street and stay honest... I need to learn to be intimate with other people spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, before I get into the physical realm... I want to know that I am appreciated as a person vs. a slab of meat.

Anyway, I've had a great day! I look forward to the day to come...

I give thanks for such a blessed day....

Quoc@quoclam.com

posted by Quoc @ 12:01 AM              E-mail me!