Quoc's Web Journal

TODAY I CHOOSE THE LASTING SENSE OF FULFILLMENT

Good morning... Love the reading in this morning's meditation. It talks about the difference between the quick fix which will lead me empty and unsatisfied verses quieting the mind and listening to the heart, the HEART TRUTH, the Soul, and then responding to that message and find myself feeling a lasting sense of fulfillment and gratification.

Last night, I had a yet another heavy session with the Therapist. I know because again, I held the tears in during the session; I didn't really feel the need to cry, but walking out of the office and towards the elevator, I broke down and cried again. I called my sponsor as I usually do after the session at 9 PM. He reminded me of the good things that I did for myself: cleaned my room, went to a meeting, worked with my sponsee, called my sponsor, did a morning meditation, woke up by 7 and got to work early, started my 4th step again, and went to therapy. My sponsor directed me to do something that makes me feel good: so I went home and pleasured myself while reading a story about some kinky rest stop bathroom stall scene. I really needed that too! Thereafter, I turned in early about 10:15 PM. I really was wiped out! Sigh, I only got through barely 1/3 of the story before climaxing! Doh!!! So much for the lack of drugs to induce that 16 hour long libido aye?

What was last night's session about? My need to find an answer to things. I don't know if most of the babbling and sharing I did really pertained to HOW I FELT, WHAT WAS REALLY GOING ON WITH ME. Was I avoiding the issue? Was I sharing cryptically? I don't know. All I know is that there is a sense of ease in sharing with my Therapist and I do trust that he knows what he is doing and is guiding me in a direction that will be very enriching for introspective discovery. Today, I will have faith and trust in the PROCESS. I will accept the role of actor and not Director.

I give thanks for today, clean and sober... I pray and ask you to send your prayers over my way for willingness to continue on with doing my stepwork and waking up regularly and on time and showering and brushing daily and then integrating exercise on a daily basis into my life. I give thanks that I GET TO do these things today and I am not 6 feet under or in an insane asylum or in a jail cell or the penitentary.

Just for today,

Quoc@quoclam.com

posted by Quoc @ 8:35 AM              E-mail me!