How am I feeling? I miss my counselor from my recovery house. I feel horny, restless, tired, and listless... I have plenty to do, but what I want to do is just someone incredibly hot and just have a wild time doing it! Sigh, unfortunately, right at this given moment, that may step me into a puddle of sex and drugs. The latter (drugs) is just not permitted at this stage in my life. Yes, I realize I have just today... But man oh man, this whole being a guy thing and having this darn sex drive! Ack! It's annoying the crap out of me! I just half-assed updated my profile that blogger set-up. I will be more thorough sometime this week with answering the question. I must say that I do like the set-up they currently have! I will take time to navigate it.
So, what happened today? Got up and rendezvoused with Mom in Chinatown... Had lunch with her and went home to basically eat and sleep for a few hours. There isn't much of a space for Mom and me to spend time together with no nurse around and Dad needing taking care of. I also am not making much of an effort in being creative with connecting with my Mother. I really don't know how to do this! I am having a hard enough time connecting with people in general let alone develop a relationship between me and my mom. I am a little embarrassed considering it being Mother's Day and all. Sigh... Any suggestions folks?
I came home to go shopping at a nearby grocery store up the hill from where I live. I just heard from a house-mate that I missed a gun battle right in our back alley earlier in the evening! Great! Scary stuff! It was a bit scary walking up the hill and shopping then lugging all the stuff back home on foot! Boy do I miss a car!! This is all good exercise for me though.
I have to be honest by saying that I called that "hook-up" phone line more than a handful of times today! This is not good behavior cuz it will and is setting me up for relapse! I have no business hooking up or evening communicating with people on the phone who want to party and play... or even just play! Sigh...
I don't know what to do! I know whatever it is I do I can't pick up the pipe and use!!! I must pray, turn it over to my higher power and continue to recommit doing the steps which I failed to do as I promised from yesterday! Where are my priorities?
Tomorrow is yet another full day! May it go well at work and I do a lot of productive work in setting up an environment that will allow me to assist the director and other people in taking care of business that is in front of me.
Pray for me folks... Call me... e-mail me... I really need your support... I do not want to go out... I know I am powerless over my addiction and that if I go out, my life will be rendered completely and absolutely unmanageable all over again... I will pray and move into action. I will check in again tomorrow...
Quoc
posted by Quoc @ 11:13 PM E-mail me!
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