Quoc's Web Journal

So, what is going on with Quoc today? Suffice it to say, I feel like a moose in heat. I am anticipating my interview with the Admin. position in the prevention department at 4 PM today... I have pretty much completed all my assignments for the day. All caught up! Sigh... I should be working on my 4th step. That I will do this evening. I have a couple things to buy, or hope to buy by evening's end: full length mirror for room ($10), flip flops from GAP ($?$?), Listerine and toothpaste from the new Target on Santa Monica ($10). Hopefully I won't go hog-wild and spend money that I really don't have! It's another beautiful day on the 14th floor. I am gonna miss the view from this station; my assignment will be completed tomorrow. Hopefully I will have yet another assignment in the week to come! I trust that I will be taken care of; whatever will happen is meant to happen... It is not my job to ask why, but just do the footwork and leave the consequences be. I found out last evening upon visiting my old recovery house that yet another alumni has relapsed. Thusfar, that makes... um.... every single resident that has come into the house before me about 11 months ago have relapsed!!! I am the only one left and I have only been out of the house for about 2 weeks?

Scary stuff this addiction business is! All I need do is continue doing the footwork and what is suggested in order to stay clean and sober:

1) Continue working the steps (writing...)
2) Daily 10th step
3) call my sponsor
4) call a newcomer and an old timer
5) read Ms. Big Book
6) go to a meeting
7) be of service (commitment and reaching out to someone who needs help)
8) willing to ask for and graciously accept help when I need it
9) getting honest with exactly where I am and how I am feeling and know that feelings are not fact!!! THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

There is much more to do, and all of the above is simple and not hard!!! I hear people label things all inappropriately! It's a set up for disappointment and failure... It's "uncomfortable" not hard; I make mistakes, I am not a mistake; I am imperfect and thankfully that means I am growing; I have issues with certain challenges in life, I am not the manifestation of that very challenge (i.e. - I am a codependent, I am a people pleaser, etc...).

Anyway, I am on this platform... No I am not trying to take anyone's inventory, it's just my sharing what has been working for me and helping me make it through the day without picking up! I am thankful!

I feel a little lonely... I am craving some sort of intimacy... I want it... I do not need it... It too shall come with time... Learn to have a relationship with myself and then that will be radiated outward from me and act as a magnet for those who share the same energy... That is what I want... I am not that entity yet...

I am a work in progress... One day at a time... I will just stay in the moment and do exactly what is in front of me... That is where I am.... Have a great day all! Pray for me...

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 1:43 PM              E-mail me!