Quoc's Web Journal

CRAZY... THINKING... REPRIEVE...

Here is a pictorial breakdown of what it was like for me from Saturday night through Sunday night...




Here you see me going absolutely nuts because he has the f*ck its... I want to get high and have sex; I need to stay... What I want will get me killed. What I need will give me sobriety, serenity, and sanity... This is from Saturday night through Sunday evening...




So, if I have any doubt in my mind whether I am an alcoholic, then the following should answer the question... I am thinking, not pick up the drug and eventually be granted sobriety, serenity, and sanity or pick up and use and face jails institutions and death... What should I do? Get high and lose my job, get evicted from my apartment, destroy my health or Stay sober and find peace of mind, self love, self esteem, and the gift of "The Promises" coming true... What should I do??? D'ya think think this is alcoholic/addictive thinking? This is from Saturday night through Sunday evening...




People in recovery share not to leave 5 minutes before the miracle happens. Well, I must say, the miracle is at 10P Sunday evening about 24 hours later, I am feeling good, serene, sane and grateful to be sober. It's as if the monster that has been running around in my head just decided to take a nap. I don't know when it will wake up. The important thing is that I stayed and hung in there long enough to experience relief from what I really believed to be an unbearable and hopeless condition: the obsession to use. My disease wants me dead, but it will settle for me miserable... This is from Sunday evening til now...

The take home lesson here is as an alcoholic, if I want to re-experience all this manic behavior and insanity all over again, then I guess I can go out and use again... If I want to be spared from this capricious change in emotion, thinking and behavior... I think I better stick around and not go out again... These are good observations of what goes on in the life of someone who was spiritually connected, relapsed and just like that lost all sense of balance, serenity, and soundness of mind... Believe you me, these are not reinactments or just an on stage production... This is real life man! My life...

If you are an alcoholic... Pay close attention to all that is going on with me as a result of this relapse... Do you want what I have? Just stay and spare yourself this insanity....

YA GOT LOVE? SHARE WITH ME... I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR COMMENTARIES ABOUT ALL THE CRAZY SH*T THAT IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE... CLICK ON THE BUTTON THERE AND LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS!!!

I gotta get to bed... I need to be up in the morning and prepare for National HIV testing Week!!!

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 2:28 AM              E-mail me!