REJECTED!
So I took a chance... I was totally honest and put everything on the counter for one to look at... Perhaps I should hold SOME things back and not unload on someone... "Hey name is Quoc, I am a recovering alcoholic, HIV positive and new to dating..." I guess that would be a bit much for any one person to take in at a sitting... In doing that I may have just scared away the first prospect that I really felt good about spending time with... I never got to do that... Sigh...That is ok... Life goes on, next number and I truly trust the person who rejected shared with me, that I would find myself with the right guy with a combination package that is compatible with that of mine...
How do I feel? I'd be lying if I said I weren't disappointed. Here I am a totally mellow sweet funny romantic sensual guy totally open to spending time with someone and just hanging out with no expectations and an actual non-combative spiritual solution to conflict resolution and I can't find that perfect combination... First guy was too neurotic and complained that he was competing with my energy devoted to recovery... Then there is the second guy who I really didn't have much in common with and had some complications that I was concerned about... He was sweet... Then there is guy number 3... Sweet, witty, funny, mellow, successful, a sweet pet dog, beautiful body, charming, but not interested in me because I have too many layers for him to deal with...
I am not asking for him to deal with my many layers.. I just want somoene to go out with, laugh, kiss, hang out, do things together, take a trip or two somewhere, snuggle at night with, have someone to call sometime during the day to say hello just for no special reason, and just someone I get to practice intimacy with... intellectual, emotional, spiritual and of course the physical intimacy...
So, my alcoholic thinking would love to think that with the rejection from this guy, I am destined to be alone for the rest of my life and this last guy is the last hot, successful guy I had a chance to hook up with... That is not true and thankfully I am not feeling any of the above except for a little disappointment and expectations that I could've played this out better, let him know some stuff, but not too much as to scare him away... But I have to remember, this is who I am....
If I had the tables turned and I heard all the things I did, I may be a little cautious in dating me... All he probably reads in my blogs are the growth and challenges in my life... The loss of loved ones... The trials and tribulations... The spirituality... None of this takes the place of getting to know me in person. Okay... Lesson learned, life goes on... Be thankful for the opportunity and that I learned from this experience...
I don't know if I want to do things differently... Again, I guess the key thing for me is to let someone know I am HIV when I know we are planning on getting intimate with one another... Then just lay low about my being in recovery and letting them see all my blogs... As with the program, allow a person to take me in piece meal, one date at a time, one phone call at a time...
I don't have to defend who I am... I am gonna be fine... I just feel a little starved for physical and emotional attention in the romantic sense that is... It will come... Keep doing the work, trust God and things will be ok!
Quoc
posted by Quoc @ 5:27 PM E-mail me!
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