Quoc's Web Journal

THIS TOO SHALL PASS...

Because I was willing and I am willing to stay in solution, I have managed to work through and enjoy a very eventful week... I spoke at a meeting on Monday, Thursday, then again on Saturday. Today's speak was a REAL honor because there are some people with some major sobriety in the room!!! I just turned it over to God and shared my story and trusted whatever came out would be what someone in the room (including myself) needed to hear. I felt sooo good after sharing! I didn't talk a lot about the steps, but I did talk about solution, clarity, and willingness to ask for help... Thank you God for showing me that I do carry a message of hope and that I am inspiring and I am someone who is recognized and loved and appreciated. Wow!!!

I spent today resting up and rearranging my room! It was a lot of work, because I have sooo much clutter to clear! I really downgraded to things that I need. Considering all my belongings are all compacted into one room, I am doing pretty well! This too shall change as I continue to stay sober, work and grow! I feel more comfortable in the room. It is not perfect, but then again, I think the point is to move along progress towards perfection and to really enjoy the process of growth, unlearning bad habits and start adopting new and healthy behaviors and hopefully live on them until they become a part of my daily ritual...

The rearrangement of the room comes from the motivation of wanting to have living quarters presentable to people I date so I may invite them home with me. In arranging the room I constantly remind myself to keep the things I need that I do not need to overcompensate for anything... Would God come into these quarters in the current state that it is in? The answer in this given moment is yes! Yayee!!! I still have much work to do.... This is good practice for me in preparation of my needing to keep my home immaculate when I get a home with my own kitchen, bedroom, livingroom, bathroom and possible office space.

I am dating a real sweet guy! We've gone out 2 times and I spent the evening snuggling over at his place earlier in the week... I am staying in the moment and not obsessing too much on that individual.... Rather, I am living my own life and appreciating when I have those opportunities to spend with him. My recovery comes first, then my relationships, work and personal leisurely activities follow...

I have been making myself available for work... I have been looking at the entrepreneur magazines my sponsor bought for me to read. There indeed is a lot of money to be made out there... I just need that break and slip into a space where I am totally able to use talents that are being utilized but totally in a serious environment... I am working... I am not having much fun at work... I believe there is such a thing as having fun at work and really enjoying the work I do as well and feeling reward from interaction with my supervisors and co-workers... I am just feeling really overworked at work.... I am appreciated, but that also comes with great expectations and continued criticism to exert more work than I am already putting out! I am a hard worker and I still can't keep up... And being paid under 30 grand annually for this work, I think I am worth a lot more...

I worked out the speed bump that I had with my sis... Basically the solution is not to make the issue about me and taking it personally. The solution is to treat my sis as if she were a newcomer. The solution is to call my sponsor, share my feelings and then respond appropriately vs. just reacting and feeding into reacting back and forth. I am really proud of self for having moved through this process and stay sober. It scared me that I had a using thought as a solution to my feelings...

So, yeah, being of service, going to meetings, calling my support group, being okay with avoiding those who are not good for me, doing more stepwork, affirming on exercising, dating, praying, writing in my journal, reading self-help books, reading my big book... just suiting up and showing up for life and trusting that the events in life have not changed; it really is my perception of live that has changed...

In order for me to see life from a different perspective, I must be willing to ask other people how they see a situation. After all, isn't that what perspective is, seeing something from a different point of view/angle?

Today, I am very proud of myself; I am very humbled and honored that I get to be of service; I embrace and give credit to myself for the great progress that I have made... I get to remember to compare my life in this given moment to when I first came in or 1 year ago or 3 months ago... If there is growth and clarity and change for the better, then I am doing all right... It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I know this is harder said than done, but I feel more self assured and finding self validation easier because I am reaching for the source of my Higher Power from within myself.... It tells me that I am loving, compassionate, tolerant, and merciful person deserving of love, compassion, to be tolerated and to be shown mercy...

I am sober today by the mercy of my Higher Power... I get the gifts of life despite who I was and what I did. Now if that ain't Grace and Mercy, then I don't know what is!!! The gift is waking up in the morning and having the attitude that I am totally ok and beautiful and living up to the potential that my HP has for me. The prices are the steps, going to meetings, being of service, asking for help, getting out of self, praying, being okay with making mistakes, acknowledging that not doing anything and being still and resting is doing something that is healthy for me.

I affirm to continue to progress towards action and more action and less on fantasy and daydreaming... It's time to make these dreams come true... I have but one life to live... And it is sooo brief... What am I doing today to get the most that life has to offer?

Hey... If you read this, e-mail me a shout out... I would love to know who all is reading this! :-)

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 11:59 PM              E-mail me!