Quoc's Web Journal

REMEMBER THE LIFE OF DALTON LEE ROBERTSON

In Memory of
Dalton Lee Robertson
Friend, Mentor, Son, Life Partner, and an irreplaceable Man
May 14, 1963 - September 24, 2005


I had the honor of joining hundreds of family, friends, associates, and people that love Dalton to remember his life. The memorial started at 3PM and ended 5PM; it took place at MCC in West Hollywood. I called my sponsor prior to going to ask if it was a good idea and whether I was ready to go to a memorial service a little after 3 months of losing my Mother. My sponsor said yes, it's ok to show up and see the impact the action of someone who chooses to take his life. How the loss of a member in recovery greatly impacts the lives of those that love and were loved by Dalton. This would be my first attendance to a memorial of someone in the program who died...

I left alone and headed towards West Hollywood. I took the bus so I didn't have to worry about finding parking. I figured that this memorial would have overflowing attendance. When one is sober for 17+ years, he meets a lot of people that he has impacted in small and great ways! I got off the bus and walked toward the memorial with someone else that I ran into on the bus who was also headed there... I saw many familiar faces. I immediately felt out of place because I was not dressed in black or a suit... I was in a t-shirt and jeans. Eventhough many people know "who" I am, not many people "know who I am." I haven't really taken time out to spend time with people. They have invited me out to hang out with them, but those few occasions, I declined. I am afraid of people getting to know me and find out that I am a bore and find me uninteresting and not want to get to know me anymore... In any case, I was there to pay respects and spend a moment to honor a man who had impacted my life early in my sobriety. I had the opportunity to sign a book that may be cremated with him... I don't remember much of what I signed except for "Go with God... and expressing gratitude for his making an impact in my sobriety from early in sobriety." I followed the procession of people into the very very packed church. Dalton's partner of 18 years was there, as was his Mother, Sister and other family. It was standing room only... There was a proliferation of people who were in the lobby and unable to come in because the church was sooo full.

Friends and family went up to the podium and shared their stories... The first time they met Dalton and the impact that Dalton had on their lives... I don't think I can ever recall the first encounters with anyone. I guess that just isn't how I am wired. Some words that were used to describe Dalton: unwavering, consistent, generous, spiritual, loving, supportive, patient, trustworthy, funny, witty, and big emphasis on how Dalton was of service (he who gave to others in order to receive the gift of sobriety and a life that one's wildest dreams can every imagine).

I laughed as much as I cried with the people in the room during the memoriam. There was the funny comment of a male friend who was offended and replied, "Did she just call me gerl?!" There was the depiction of how expressive Dalton was with his hands when he communicated... There was the visual slideshow of Dalton... I laughed and cried through a lot of that... It began with a commentary made by Dalton... I only remember the part where he said that one man "can make a difference in life of another person." The most emotional part was when Dalton's partner stood up and shared about how they met and their first date to the zoo... And he even read an edited version of Dalton's suicide note. There was nothing less than love, apologies, and just sharing that no one could have done anything to prevent what had happened. The last line on the note was to all of us... that his death is something he chose to do and "none of us are at fault for what had transpired."

By 5PM, Amazing Grace had been sung and the hundreds of people had joined hands and recited the serenity prayer... I parted way briskly and walked toward the bus stop... I didn't stay to mingle and share with other people... I didn't go up to the family to extend my condolences... I was feeling very deflated and sad for the loss... I was feeling angry that the only time that I called Dalton was the night that I found out Dalton had died and got his roomate answering the phone at 11:30PM sharing that Dalton had died... Why did I call? Maybe I was hoping that this news was just a vicious rumor or it was another Dalton that had passed away and the Dalton I knew would answer the phone and I would have an opportunity to get to know him...

I am home now... I get to honor Dalton by living my life and being grateful for the things I have so I may appreciate the things that I get. I get to be genuine and open... I get to pray and ask God to bring friends closer to me so I may make "gerlfriends" with and spend time with... I have a couple, but I don't really have group of people that I am really close to. I get to make decisions on what really makes me happy and will fulfill each precious moment of life that I am blessed with. Tonight I will do the Express Dating for me... I really feel as if I should be going to a recovery meeting as a post visit after the memoriam... It may be exactly what I need. I don't know... Sigh...

Dalton, may you find the peace wherever you are now that you couldn't find here with us. You continue to live in my heart and the hearts of people world wide... You will be missed, but you will never be forgotten by those you touched. Thank you for being that upstanding member of recovery and practicing the principles of the program all the way to the end... We remember the life that you lived and carry that in celebration of the lives that we are blessed with... Be with God and be the talented design artist you are in heaven.

Deep respect and love from a sober member of recovery and friend,

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 6:01 PM              E-mail me!