Quoc's Web Journal

GOING INTO IT WHOLE...

So, my 2nd date called me!!! That is after I stopped obsessing about why he hadn't called me for over 4 days!!! Not even a hello or he had a great time with me... I learned a whole lot just from this one date and the aftermath... I have been sharing at meetings, talking to people and asking for their experience on this matter. What I am hearing is that relationships are to be fun... If I am not having fun, I am doing it wrong... Also, what is my motive when going on a date... Am I looking for to go out in hopes of finding someone that will complete me? Or am I walking into the relationship feeling whole and complete and available to share myself and my life with another person? So, I don't know... I certainly feel middle of the road with both sides... Walking into it to have fun and certainly getting into the swing and practice of dating and getting to know another person without being high on drugs or feeling the need to look at myself through their eyes and then transform myself into something I think they would want me to be...

I am forgetting the reason they chose me in the first place was because they probably are attracted to me just the way I am. Am I going on these dates and having fun getting to know other people and building a friendship before that intimacy card gets played? I don't have to do it like everyone else and do it the way that gay men typically do it: go out and have sex and then be done with one another... I can really get to know a person and really focus on those other levels of intimacy such as emotional, spiritual, and get to share my own individual character traits with the other and see if we're diggin' each other that way... Then, allow the physical intimacy to fall where it may....

I also want to check myself in depriving myself of the opportunity of physical intimacy due to lack of positive self image of self... Remember, I don't know how long and how many times I get to hang out with someone... Have a good time and just really enjoy the moment and stay present and have fun as if I am with a buddy that I am just physically attracted to...

Lastly to remember the perfection of my progress... I am doing great... This is sooo new to me... I am going to feel anxiety, fear, doubt, and ambivalence in doing things.. The key is to remember to have fun, not take it seriously, and to really enjoy one of God's gifts another physical being that I am drawn to and want to just bond with for as long as God allows for me...

I ask God to quiet my mind long enough to hear his whispers in my heart about what I get to do to enjoy the life I am being given each moment... I listen for that TRUTH and pray for willingness to act on that and love self because in not loving myself, I am telling God that one of his gifts is imperfect and undesirable and not worthy of being loved and cared for.

I welcome those that read this to share your experiences... E-MAIL ME OR POST A COMMENT... WHAT HAS WORKED OR NOT WORKED IN YOUR DATING HISTORY? Share share share!!!

Awaiting your replies with anticipation... I will keep you posted as I get to try this dating thing for a 2nd time with someone I am attracted to...

Cheers!

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 11:04 PM              E-mail me!