Quoc's Web Journal

TELL THE STORM HOW BIG MY G.O.D. IS...

Yayee!!! What a great meeting! I had yet another blessed opportunity to listen to "T," one of the most inspirational speakers I have heard since coming into sobriety! "T" is the one that I have the tape recording of and have listened to many many times when I need to hear about strength, hope and experience! This person truly has a conscious contact with their Higher Power! Anyway, I can't divulge anymore without breeching the anonymity tradition. The important thing is I got to hear the message again and got more out of it! A couple of the many things the speaker shared about that truly touched me was: Don't tell my G.O.D. how big my storm is; tell my storm how big my G.O.D. is!!! There is a solution! The other message I heard was an answer to the experiences I have had in the past. It was shared that I am responsible for owning what I am going to do with the knowledge of this experience being in the program and being an adult. Yes, I was afflicted with pain, grief and misfortunes as a child, but now as an adult and having knowledge of, what am I going to do with the information? Am I going to move into solution or wallow in the problem?

Good suggestion!!! Thank you "T." This time, I have the person's phone number, so I may ask that person to speak should I be blessed to be a secretary one day in the future to come again.

I have two (2) things that have been eating at me in the past day or so... One is that I have been sick since Sunday evening. The symptoms really didn't set in until this past Monday. I had the aches, and coughing and raised temperature. It progressed and I took a sick day and slept most of Tuesday and finally went to the Doctor to be told that I may have a viral infection! That's just great! This too shall pass! I really did not want to miss out on work. Wednesday came and I was not feeling any better, the cough medicine the Dr. prescribed worked wonders in taking away all the phlegm, it did such a great job that I was totally dried up. Moreover, the meds I was taking is causing for me to be whoozy, drowsy and disoriented. Ack!!! It does say so on the bottle. Again, there is the feeling of missing 2 days of work when the Staff I work for really depends on me and truly does need me. I fear that my supervisor may experience a moment where she absolutely needed me to do something and my absence may influence and cause her to make the administrative decision to "fire" me because I am just not dependable.

This comes at the dawn of my receiving a phone call from Landlord for the property that I applied for the evening before with hopes that I would get accepted for it. I was ready to call my potential roomate to ask what it was gonna take for me to secure the room for me and her not needing to interview anyone else. I got it!!! The landlord is totally accommodating and I have purchased the $250.00 deposit that will be applied to the rent of the 2nd half of this month! Cool. The place is indeed small, but perhaps this is what I need for now. I got another phone call from someone who is offering my own room and my own bathroom, cable, and internet hook up and utilities for $575.00/month, but he requires that I pay for the first months rent as well as another month's worth of deposit! Yes, that is a better deal, but I don't have the money on hand! Sigh... I will pray on this and get an answer... I will just go and trust that things are gonna work out and where I am supposed to be I will be where my Higher Power intends for me to be... I can't get greedy! I just also want the best for myself too!!!

Anyway, lastly, I am a bit bothered by the fact that I have an attraction to a newcomer in a recovery house. He is very tall, very lean, has tattoos, a cool attitude, but alas I just can't over the fact that I am very attracted to him. Argh... So, I will have to call my sponsor on this matter. I already know the answer... I just have to sit on it awhile and throw myself into being of service, trust in my Higher Power in seeing whereever I am suppose to be and I pray that all parties get the best of G.O.D.'s grace!!! I am not attracted to the disease as I am of his personality, his spirit and the aura he currently exudes! This effects all kinds of confused feelings and assumptions my head goes to about attraction being reciprocated and how I am not worth it and am in no place to deserve something like this... So, it's just a feeling; acknowledge, just move along and behave in a manner that is not injurious to any parties including myself!!!

I give thanks to my Higher Power for my current blessings! I trust my Higher Power in seeing to whereever I will find as my home. I turn my life over to my Higher Power to allow me to have the relations that are healthy and allow for growth in all parties and does not lead to pain and more wreckage that will cause for amends in other people.

I give thanks in this moment... I will not read minds, and just trust whatever is going to happen is ok... Whether it be my health, my job, where I live, or the relationships I am building and developing with other people.

Thank you to the TRUTH of who I am!

quoc@quoclam.com

posted by Quoc @ 10:07 PM              E-mail me!