Quoc's Web Journal

"WHAT'S MY PART IN IT," SAYS MY SPONSOR

So, in calling my sponsor yesterday, he gave me a few suggestions and pointers. HAVE I SHARED HOW MUCH I LOVE MY SPONSOR?!?!?! This man keeps me in check! After listening to me babble, his first question to me was, "What is my part in all this! I really couldn't think of one.

Well, my sponsor continued to share the following: My part is after sharing with him that it wasn't that big of a deal and I had already set my boundary and had let it go, I went ahead and moved forward with sharing with the supervisor of what had happened. I did not want to because I did not want to cause for inflamed feelings and retaliation from someone who is already very very sore and walking on shaky grounds. My sponsor shared that I was manipulated by my co-workers who did want something done. It's ok to make a "selfish" decision and not report it in order to take care of my personal well being! It's ok to be completely selfish!!! In heeding to their suggestions, I ended up being "screwed" in the words of my sponsor. True!!! So, that is my part in it.

He also shared with me that if I had really "let the issue go" as I claimed, then I wouldn't still be stressed about it and manifesting these physical symptoms: feverish, throbbing head, shaking, frustrations, anger, and anxiety.

Here is the beautiful thing at 3:10 PM and a little before that... I have really pretty much accepted and released the situation over to my Higher Power. The TRUTH of the matter is that all this really has NOTHING to do with me. Yes, I got caught up in the wake of his negativity, and my extended discomfort was because I haven't sharpened my skill of just acknowledging and surrendering and releasing what is not mine... This negativity definitely isn't...

note to self: Program is about finding the truth and honoring that… truth within myself.. suggestions are but mere suggestions… I come first.. that is the golden word for the day… taking care of self is a very very honorable thing to do… vs. being the fallen hero.

I have high hopes that the next time I encounter an incident like this, it will not take multiple journal entries and episodes of up and down to get to a place of TRUTH and SERENITY. Progress not perfection. It takes me about 10 entries this time around... Next time perhaps 5... Next time after that, perhaps it will be but a neglible event.

For now, I move into gratitude that I am moving through this without having to resort to drugs, acting out in self-destructive behavior, or other acts that would further disrupt my "progress."

quoc@quoclam.com

posted by Quoc @ 1:22 PM              E-mail me!