Quoc's Web Journal

IT'S OK TO BE INCORRIGIBLE...

It's ok to be incorrigible says my therapist. I just looked up the word incorrigible; first to see how it is correctly spelled and number two to look up its definition: that cannot be corrected or reformed, esp. because set in bad habits. Haha... That is sooo very appropriate!!! I was really using it without knowing it's true meaning. I really miss blogging... I really miss the routine that I had when I was at the sober living (halfway house as normies would call it!!!).

Currently where I live, I realize I must quickly establish a healthy routine, before I do become incorrigible!!! I want to wake up meditating and listening to Reverend Kristin speaking on living in TRUTH. I want to practice steps 1, 2 and 3 prior to the start of the day. I want to get up the first time my alarm goes off. I want to be able to blog daily and share my thoughts and activities of the day. I want to be able to practice the 10th step and evaluate what I did right as well as what I need to improve upon.

So, a lot has been going on... I am in kind of a funk... I have had thoughts and dreams of using... It's nice that I am not responding to it and freaking out over having thoughts and dreams; I am an addict, this is what I do!!! Step one, I am powerless over my powerful disease of addiction!!! It will be with me for the rest of my life! Accept and work a spiritual program so that I am fully armed and sheilded just for today from any chance of relapse or behavior that will lead me back to that one moment that convinced and brought me back into these rooms.

Just highlights from the past week or two... I went out bodyboarding for the first time since I came into recovery and probably long after that! It was sooo very nice to be out in the ocean flowing with the waves that pass by... I was going with the wakes that rose and fell... I did not fight the waves... I dove into the waves that crested and were crashing towards me (facing fear). I did not fight, but moved with a force and power that is greater than myself! Ahh... I love it!!! It was such a deep, meditative and profound moment I had in those blessed moments.

I am slowly making a home for myself in my new living arrangement. I am still living and responding as if I were in a recovery house. Keeping food to myself! Only cleaning my stuff and not enabling others. My roomie is all right... I just didn't realize what I was paying for; me being the addict, I had the expectation of a shared livingroom. Not so... Anyway, I will leave these details to share at another time.

I have achieved 1 year and 4 months of sobriety by living one day at a time!!! 16 months!!! Wahoo!!! What a blessing!!! Again, lately, I have not been feeling the pink cloud of being in sobriety and wanting to use and have wild marathon sex. I continue to remind myself of that snapshot = the last two weeks of my life prior to coming into recovery! Still, it's ok to feel this way. This too shall pass...

I give thanks for all my blessings and tools that I currently have to live life on life terms and doing it SOBER!!! I have hope that there is much more to learn out there as I am growing one day at a time from other people who have more sobriety and wisdom on living life than I do. I pray for willingness to do what is necessary to live a healthy life; a life that is spiritually fit!

Thank you G.O.D.

Quoc@quoclam.com

posted by Quoc @ 1:18 PM              E-mail me!