Quoc's Web Journal

I WANT AN R&R DAY...

So, my sis' shared with me that she and many other folk actually keep up with the on-goings of my life...  Cool!!!  If you are reading this, I totally encourage you to post comments and e-mail your comments to me!!!  Just acknowledging that these blogs are being read will greatly encourage me to go on doing this; eventhough, I am doing this for myself and my continued improvement the quality of each and every day I am blessed with.

So, I don't recall the last time I blogged, but because my work environment is getting more serious about enforcing minimizing the use of personal time and work related equipment and also due to the very very poor internet/cpu services being provided by the sober living I am currently residing in, it's been keeping me from being able to blog.  I have been writing in my journal despite not blogging on-line, so life continues to be recorded and my daily 10th step, does not miss a beat.

Here are some highlights...

I received a wonderful phone call from my spiritual minister Reverend "K."  That really was wonderful, I couldn't really chat because I was at work.  More rules being enforced again in a response to the abuse and misuse of personal time being used at work (for the whole department). 

I had the opportunity to be of service and really learn about my sobriety and take part in the sponsoring and being a spiritual guide for someone who has less time than me.  Phew!!!  Was I really like that????  Crazy!!!  Dishonest, close-minded, and very very unwilling.  What a handful; alas, at the end of each day, I give thanks that I remain clean and sober.

Weekend:

Saturday was spent waking up in preparation to speak at a meeting, but totally getting lost and overshooting my intended destination and ultimately landing myself at the Grove (3rd and Fairfax).  I had the opportunity to spend time by myself and with myself and really enjoy it!  I walked around and confirmed the health spa treat appointment that I have scheduled for the upcoming weekends.  I walked around to/through the different shops stopping at Nordstroms to get myself a bottle of cologne and ordering a pair of black echo dress shoes for me to try out and possibly purchase ($165.00).  OUCH!!!  I have yet to decide upon purchasing those shoes!!!  I bought myself a wonderful lunch and trekked back to my old recovery house for the HIV support group.

All the meanwhile, I am still going through the emotional rollercoaster onset by my bodies continued progression to find homeostasis from being off my antidepressants.  It is gradually getting better.  I stayed for the meeting and then went back home to my sober living thereafter, resting and doing laundry etc....  I also went to a meeting in the evening in Hollywood; my new habit of suiting and showing up for appointments and engagements that I promise to attend.  I went to the meeting to visit with my sponsee...  He did not show; instead, he probably went to the concert and did who knows what... Doesn't matter, again, he is showing me what can happen should I not place my sobriety first.  I then visited with my friend "B."  I was not feeling too good, but we had pie and chatted and then he took me home.  I had been calling people in the fellowship all day long!!!

Sunday: Wake up to the knocks of my neighbor reminding me of a meeting that takes place on the beach!!!  Wow, I found out about this a week earlier and really wanted to attend, so I woke up, and put myself together and went in the Sober living van and was transported with 4 other guys to the meeting at Venice Beach!!!  Rocking meeting!!!!  I really wanted to share.. I really want to introduce myself to others!!!  I did not get an opportunity to share...

Here is my forum, I get to share now... Here is what I really wanted to share:  That I was joking around about how nice it would be to hold a sober meeting on the beach!!  Here it is!!  I wanted to take a 1 year cake at this meeting because I really want this to be my only 1st year of sobriety and be able to celebrate consecutive years of sobriety thereafter.  So, I wanted to take a cake for 1 year at the beach among such a wonderful group of people.  The open participation topic for participation was what is going on with me and what is my solution...  I wanted to share about giving thanks for the newcomers for coming in and coming back.  I wanted to thank the old timers for being present... At the beach, surrounded by my higher power: G.O.D. = Group of drunks/druggies.  A power greater than myself; a power that offers the solution to staying clean and sober one day at a time for me.  The newcomer being the ones showing me that I have nothing to look forward to out there... That there is but "A" solution and that is in this fellowship and not out there.  The old timer being the ones that stay and communicate to me to stay and seeing them with all kinds of accumulated sober time, I am compelled to believe that when I decide to stay one day at a time over a period of time, the blessings of life come and that there isn't anything more out there for me to go to.... Upon entering this fellowship, I came home. 

This is my solution!  If I have a question about whether I should go back out there and use one more time or not, the newcomer's recent experience will share and show me why they came here for help.  If I have a question about why I should keep coming back and stay in this fellowship will be depicted by the old timers who have time and all the blessings that have come with their accumulated time.

Sorry, I think I just rambled a bit up there!!!  Anyway, this Sunday morning meeting was powerful, although my group had to leave before the end of the meeting, upon departing in our van, I looked out at the seashore and saw the 100+ people stand, form a giant circle, hold hands and serenitize!  WHAT A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT!!!  I can't wait to go back out there next week!!!

Home to put my clothes in the dryer and wait for Mom, my sis "J" and her friend to take care of business in chinatown and then come by, pick me up and take us all back home to Bellflower.  I can't believe my sis is going to be a senior this upcoming fall!  I totally missed out on my sister's growing up... I am a bit saddened by this.  I also was saddened by Mom's degenerating agility.  She is much more jumpy, her eyes not keen, her body no longer as calm, and just aging... My mother has 40% visible grey hair...  I am saddened again...  I go home to enjoy some of Mom's wonderful home cooking.  Her backyard has become yet another jungle again of cherry tomatoes, sweet basil, squash, mint, mustard greens, and all kinds of exotic asian vegetables... What an amazing green thumb Mom has. 

I go out with my sis "C", sis "J" and friend "H" to the Long Beach Plaza's Sam's club and to Sports Chalet...  I remained focus on my purchases.  I bought what I needed for my Monday night coffee commitment evening.  I also purchased a pair of strengh training shoes... I am totally amazed by the varieties of "tennis shoes" there are... Well, they are all still the same, but now the nomenclature has divided them up into classes of running shoes, tennis shoes, walking shoes, cross training shoes, basketball shoes, etc... Good Lord!!!

Home again and I gormandized myself on Mom's food = 3 1/2 bowls of rice with pickled mustard, bitter squash (actual name of vegetable), and pork bone soup!!! Yummy!!!  I called a whole bunch of people from that time on through 6:30 PM when my sis "C" and I got to catch up with one another as she took me directly back home to my sober living...

I felt my privacy and stuff invaded by my roomy who decided to move my fridge up on top of my desk/tabletop and move all my stuff under the table.  Guess he couldn't take the unsightly mess of papers, clothes and what-not.  I will own up to my part, but he has no right to be tampering with any of my personal belongings and rearranging my side of the room!!!  I didn't share that with him.  Argh...  I will move the fridge back down....

The rest of the evening was spent with a visiting member of sobriety "N" who chatted with me for the rest of the evening...  I also was direct and curt with my sponsee "H."  He has many plans; all of which do not move him forward into stabilizing his own life and build some structure so that his mind can be in a safe environment as free/protected from people/places/things that are poisonous to the newcomer's mind... He isn't willing to change his sobriety date.  HE'S NOT WILLING.  I basically gave him a suggestion, told him I love him, to call me the next day and that was that...  I am not going to waste too much time listening to "his" plans.  It's God's plan...

I only hope that I will not move into the space of "Holier Than Thou" especially in this period where the program really is kicking into high gear and I am on this spiritual pink cloud.  I will pray tonight for humility and to remain humble, teachable, loving, willing, honest and to be of service...

I really feel I am behind on the 4th step (I AM!!!), the room is a mess, none of my pants dry cleaned, none of the necessary paperwork for move with my housing or roomate arrangements set up, none of my appointments set down on the calendar and a whole bunch of stuff strewn all over and under the table... I NEED A DAY TO REGROUP JUST FOR ME.

So, I will take a day of R & R tomorrow...  I will pray to use it for exactly the above purpose.  I want to move forward.  I give thanks for this gift.

Quoc@quoclam.com

PS - I know I've rambled a bit on this journal blog.  I give thanks for my sister's kind words about her and countless number of people who actually take the time to read-up on what is going on in my life!!!  I continue to make mistakes, I continue to learn, grow and am willing to move towards the process towards perfection.. IN GOD'S TIME, NOT MINE; GOD'S WAY, NOT MINE...  If it be thy will, not mine, be done.

I love you with all my heart, sis "C".... I am loved and love sooo many people... I give thanks for the ability to be sober enough to feel this.

posted by Quoc @ 11:31 PM              E-mail me!