Quoc's Web Journal

TO RELAPSE OR NOT TO RELAPSE?!?!

There is the question, a rhetorical question!!! There is no question about it!!! Synonymous question = Not change (and relapse) or change (and recover).

This is the message I have been hearing on a consistent basis! It's beating out of my spirit over and over and over!!! Now am I willing to surrender to the message and move from thinking/contemplating to ACTION!!! "Faith without works is dead," I am told. "Act my way into right thinking." Know that whatever it is (more often challenging rather than jovial); "this too shall pass." Just don't pick up and drink or use!!! Just don't move into self-destructive thinking!

I have a choice at that pivotal moment of being presented with something that stirs up feelings, be it positive or negative that I will feel and all of a sudden I won't know what to do with the feeling! My first notion is to go out and celebrate and pick up the pipe or go and medicate the negative feeling by going out and picking up the pipe! Yes, I am a true addict! Extremely opposite emotions and circumstances, but the same reaction! Cuz a normie wouldn't do that; or at least wouldn't do that and end up on a week long run!

Anyway, I am hearing it loud and clear from all different directions from out to in and from deep within myself radiating outward! I AM IN THE 12 STEP RECOVERY PROGRAM; I NEED TO DO THE 12 STEPS!!! Simple as that! Not I need to "think" the 12 steps of recovery, but I need to "DO" the 12 steps of recovery! ACTION ACTION ACTION!

Here I am b*tching and moaning about feeling like I am on a rollercoaster ride; well, if I were carrying a trashcan full of sh*t around all day long and I stumble on one thing or another or get distracted and lose my balance/footing, what would happen? I spill some of that stuff and most of the time it gets on me and that is when I feel funky and feel like I am a mistake...

Suffice it to say, I had a point to make today and that is GET INTO ACTION, CHANGE AND RECOVER or MUDDLE IN MY THINKING, WALLOW, AND POSSIBLY RELAPSE IN THE FUTURE whether it be near or far...

That is the message I am getting for today and for the past few days and weeks! I HEAR IT; NOW I PRAY AND ASK FOR YOU ALL TO PRAY, CALL AND HELP REMIND ME TO MOVE INTO ACTION...

Kay, enough yapping... I need to act act act!!!

Peace out!!!

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 9:06 PM              E-mail me!