Quoc's Web Journal

2 DAYS AWAY FROM 1 YEAR!!!

Hello folks!!! What a day!!! I feel like such a newcomer! I am tired of my apathetic self, but my friend in sobriety "K" and other people at the meeting told me that they didn't mind; that they love me and wherever I am in my sobriety and life! Now here I am asking for venom to be spit at me because I am messing up and making mistakes and all I am getting while I am in the program are suggestions, love, support and encouragement and patience... oh did I forget to mention I was getting a whole lot of love???

Anyway, how was my day? I had a hard time waking up, but I did, brushed, showered, prayed and cheerfully made my way to work. I got there early enough to buy a few donuts and milk for myself to enjoy for breakfast. I got to work on reorganizing the whole cubicle area that I work around! What a mess! I actually got a little frustrated because there was sooo much work to be done and I didn't have all the answers to make decisions on where to place what and if I needed that specific file or not. My co-worker was in a grumpy mood; There were few people at the office working today, so the office was fairly quiet.

I left work with a messy cubicle cuz I didn't get all the work done! I had honestly put in a good day's work into the time that I spent there; so there ought to be no shame there. I took the bus to the meeting and set my coffee commitment up. Then the meeting started; so many people were there. My friend "A" was there too! Yayee! I am sooo very proud of her. She is such a people pleaser though! Just like me! I really love her! She's great... I hope she stays. My friend "J" told me if for no other reason at all, that if I don't stay sober for one more day, then my friend "A" may not stay sober as a result! Wow! That is one way to knock some sense into me. I was also told the answer was within me that I knew the answer to staying sober already, the answer being doing the step-work!!! Doing my 4th step! Doing my 4th step... To move beyond praying, other peoples prayers, and all the prep work to move into willingness to do the step work...

NOW IT'S A MATTER OF JUST GETTING INTO ACTION! TO GOSH DARN WILL MY WAY THROUGH THE 4TH STEP! How much does all of what I have mean to me? If it really means enough to keep then I would be willing to do the 4th step no matter what!!!!

Anyway, I felt really bad having shared that burning desire... I felt that people were getting tired of hearing my tired apathetic self not willing to just get into ACTION!!! If I do not do the steps, I will relapse.... PLAIN AND SIMPLE!!

I will get ready for bed tonight and plan my next day accordingly!

Pray for me folks... I need to get my butt moving towards doing the fourth step by tomorrow evening... Even if for 15 minutes a day! I will commit to doing some work everyday!!! Now, who can I call to check that in with and someone who will help sternly remind me to do the work daily?

Thankfully,

Quoc

posted by Quoc @ 10:55 PM              E-mail me!