DEAR MOM... YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF ME...
Dear Mom,You should be sooo proud of me tonight! I cooked some mushroom stew with chicken, an onion, fish sauce, and a few boiled eggs... I know it totally does not compare to how you made it with tender pork among the other delicious ingredients you added, but I really feel good about the meals I have been cooking in the past few days... I really miss you Mom...
So, here is a highlight of my day... List of proud of myself and gratitude:
1) I cooked a healthy meal for self
2) I enjoyed a great dinner with a friend out in Pasadena (co-worker) - ah... these are the true blessings of life when I stay in the solution
3) I put in an honest day's work for an honest day's pay and trained the new Department Coordinator as well as took care of priorities for my boss as well as attend a meeting for my new position
4) I chose sobriety today
5) I got to speak to all 3 of my wonderful sponsees this evening... I ask God to speak through me in offering my experience, strength and hope in guiding them through one more day clean and sober... Little do they know how much they are helping me by being a part of my life and carrying a message of hope courage, surrender, willingness, and giving someone like me the opportunity to be of service and feel self worth for having helped another fellow sober brother!
6) I did some stepwork and get to turn my character defects into the assets that I may use in maintaining a serene, sane and sober life just for today
7) I honored my needs and was honest to those that ask more of me than I can give... I am proud of self
8) I called my support group
9) I prayed and journalized
10) I listed and identified where I was dishonest, inconsiderate or selfish today... One thing is my desire to exxagerate the truth of my experience with having sex and dating guys in order to make it sound more interesting and appealing so as to receive more attention and reaction and validation from the other party; whereas, I could've just been honest and told the truth about my experience... It's progress not perfection
11) I arrived safely to all destinations
These are such amazing gifts in my life Mom... I do miss you a lot... I know you are in my heart and I carry your courage, integrity, strength, and extend love, compassion, tolerance and mercy to myself and my fellow human...
Here are some brief highlights from a journal regarding this past weekend....
What I didn’t get to share at meeting… To thank the speaker for sharing about the cause of addiction does not stem from life’s events… There are people who have suffered deaths, abuse and other things and not end up using and drinking… Addiction is a disease… Spiritual malady, obsession of the mind, physical allergy…. I wanted to share about the insanity that my disease manifests itself… It’s been telling me I am damaged goods… The reason why I need to do things perfect the first time… Because I am really damaged goods… If I mess up the first time with sex, relationships, argument, employment, stepwork, sponsoring, being a sponsee… then you will see that I am damaged goods… There is no room for improvement for damaged good like me… I am in conflict with these negative self loathing thoughts with the positive ones such as:
1) I showed up for my sis and Dad in caring for Dad Friday night
2) I went to AALA committee meeting and participated
3) I did a step study with my sponsees
4) I went to memorial and read a poem and brought sponsees with me
5) I went to visit with my date for dinner, movie and sleep over
6) I woke the next morning to go to therapy
7) I went to transition of a couple residents from a recovery house
8) I did a step study with a sponsee at the recovery house
9) I drove home to return yoga matt as prompt amends
10) I went to Sam’s Club and bought some food
11) I set boundaries as to whether I could pick someone up for a meeting or not
12) I went and did my commitment at Plummer Park meeting
The true highlight is being blessed with the opportunity to go to a memorial and partake in the remembrance and celebration of the life of Roland Flyge... to see the disease of alcoholism at it's worst by taking yet another life of a friend and sober brother... Then getting to go to the graduation of a couple residents from a recovery house and seeing the miracles and growth of people who stay in solution, stay willing, stay open-minded, stay honest, and just STAY. These are the true gifts of my sobriety! I am sooo abundantly rewarded for having the simple things in life... Everything else I have are fringe benefits!!!
Thank you God and Mom for looking after me just for today....
With love and much gratitude,
Quoc
posted by Quoc @ 12:29 AM E-mail me!
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home